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here to share some parts of my life...some parts of me and my ne'er say die attitude..!!!! i love my life..my family and myself..

Thursday, April 4, 2013

am I confused?....but until when??? broken pieces still remain broken!

I claim to be strong...I "try" to stand up again...
these trials have remained trials since the first time I tried!
I pity on myself everyday...I regret every single moment of my life.....
I have questions with myself and thus I have doubts on everyone!
I accept it I don't trust anyone completely except for maa...but still cant share everything to her!
her daughter has committed big mistakes...which she wouldn't be able to take on ever!

my decisions are never mine...decision of studying in heritage is also an influenced one!
Each time I lose ..I  regret! I make a promise to myself...that I will keep my dignity and I will improve but I don't.
an under-performer is what I am...I always have dat so called "potential"  which never gets executed
and still I get satisfied with what I have...the urge for more is dying in me!
I pretend ..I pretend to be happy each and every moment....which is actually not the reality!

I am dissatisfied...with myself and with rest of the world....
I complain that nobody has ever loved me truly...
but have I ever respected and loved myself really!
I got influenced in every possible way...I got carried away...
but can I love anyone..? do I deserve to be loved?
and I don't have the answer
since I do not stick to my decisions ever!
in every aspect of my life ..I am an under-performer!
I am not a good lover ,not a good scholar and not even a good human being(though I try to b one )

lastly I am selfish ...I cant bear loneliness...it kills!
but m again a loser over here! people leave me! they misuse or misunderstand! I have a bad behaviour... i don't know the ways to express things! I love him...but he has correctly shown me the reasons of not loving me! ..I have complaints ,I talk about me and m selfish...
oh yes I can think only about myself! but after analysing I found I cudnt even do dat properly!

I am still confused about why did I write this!
but there is only one thing which i want without any confusion!
I want everyone to be happy...I want me to be happy...
I cant bear pain...cant c anyone to bear it!

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