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here to share some parts of my life...some parts of me and my ne'er say die attitude..!!!! i love my life..my family and myself..

Friday, May 1, 2015

A branded heart!!

Most of us the "social-beings" think that money is the solution to every problem but we fail to realise money can buy everything but a soul or happiness.
And that doesn't mean I don't like to dream big. I do have my own goals and aspirations. And some places in Kolkata really instills the faith of achieving those goals. A few of those places are the Middleton Row and the Park Street Area. Ever since I visited the place (not much time ago) I fell in love with it. It is one of the richest areas of the city with all big offices, famous restaurants, the church, the haunted cemetery and my favourite The Oxford Bookstore-where I love to spend hours reading books while sipping my Afogato drink. The place always invigorates me to see huge dreams of being really successful in life.
But this afternoon was a bit different. I was walking past Peter Cat  towards Au Bon Pain  when I saw a young man with steel colored suit, branded sunglasses and shoes and two guards accompanying him. The first sight was awesome as he walked through the street but that followed a small kid who was selling balloons eagerly following this man to sell his goods.
I still remember the very first day I visited park street  with my sister in the Christmas eve and we were taking selfies on the well lit pavement in front of Au Bon Pain when a little girl came to us for selling balloons and kept on requesting us to buy one. We finally gave in and took one. Later on she clicked a nice photo of me and didi and I took a selfie with her. I also clicked a snap with the kid wearing disco-goggles(goggles with l.e.d lights) who was selling Christmas caps for 15 bucks! Such a wonderful time it was. I realised these little happy moments make life worth living.
Now coming back to today's story, The man was first reluctant to take the balloons and that is quite justified. Why would he take'em when he doesn't need them. But the next moment was he took a huge note( it was some 100 or 500 bucks i clearly did not notice) out of his sleek black wallet and shoved into the little kid's hands to get rid of him.
How I wished he would tell him politely that he didn't need one or may be scold him for being nagging. But the incident that happened today really broke my heart. It again showed that when a man reaches success he becomes arrogant.
The poverty stricken child took the money instantly and slid it into his shirt's pocket but he lacked the bright smile which would have spread over his face had the man taken a balloon with a mere 15 bucks. May be somewhere the little kid's self-respect was hurt today and not only today but  may be a lot number of times his little self-respect has been injured by the like-minded people of the 'elite-class'. And as he grows up, probably  a day will come when there will no-more of the self -esteem left in him. It will be buried deep beneath the layers of hunger, illiteracy and arrogance of  the "higher-class".
I feel deep pain to see a huge -quota of our wonderful tomorrow going astray and we all are contributing to this.
And the questions ramble my mind?
Is this what we become rich for?  Do these branded clothed people never have a heart? Why the number of morally good people diminishing at G.P rate?
And these questions make me even more determined to be achieve the best in life. To see whether I become the same after achieving the peak ( and I know I'll not)  and if I still continue to be this me then to bring about atleast some change to the world for good. With this broken heart but ever- shining hope I wish to be triumphant, to have a branded heart, I wish to be infinite !
the li'l girl and me on the christmas eve!

Monday, April 27, 2015

tu dil tu yon jaan meri

These days I am listening to that same old song over and over. Nights have been sleepless. I never usually stay awake till late if I have no work. But last 2-3 days were unusual. I stayed till late out of nothing and kept going back to the time I left 5 months ago. The time with which I got completely detached with in due course of time (i thought). I know its normal having flashbacks but this frequent and so suddenly was unusual.
People have spoken many a times about him in these 5 months and I have ignored bluntly. Tried not to think about his facts and got succeeded somehow.  whenever I thought about my memories ( the apparently sweet ones)  that followed the images of the way I used to get hit by his cheating, his insults and his comments. The neutralization effect allowed me to sleep at nights.
But this time it was different nothing could divert my mind away from him, in fact I started visiting that old  folder(saved in some drive of my pc)which had no affect on me anymore.
 It was Saturday morning, I was fresh and had almost forgotten what all happened last night when my friend called me up to  discuss about some work stuffs and in the flow of his talk I got to know that the "once-upon-a-time-important-person-in my-life" was out of town but I as usual ignored.
Later during the day tremors of earthquake in Nepal were felt in India. And ofcourse in many parts of bengal the affect was significant more importantly in northern parts. The whole day I got engrossed in view the damages in the Nepal and also doing other stuffs. Then it was Sunday and newspapers flooded with pictures of  earthquake affected areas of Nepal and I was upset at their loss. After the whole day it was during the night when I saw the amount of damage that occurred in Siliguri and  Darjeeling when the pictures of CM visiting the hospitals were uploaded.
A shock -wave flowed through my mind as I remembered he visits some hill stations every summer and last time he was in darjeeling. Weird thoughts spread through my mind like 'where he might has gone?' or 'is he safe?' 
The heart-beat rate ran faster. The heart wanted nothing but one news that he is safe (deep inside it believed he was but it needed assurance) and i had to wait till the day. The next  was busy and the phone was malfunctioning but by the evening I managed to takeout the information that he was in bangalore and phew..!! I could now understand  what was that feeling all about and I could resume back to my normality. 
This small but significant incident made me realise that some things are indelible but also they shouldnt be let interfere with the ongoing times!
truely said..
 some feelings are inexpressible..they can just be felt!
sharing the lyrics of the somg which kept on playing as I wrote this piece
the song which was our  favorite!
Ve changa nahion keeta beeba

Ve changa nahion keeta beeba

Dil mera tod ke

Ve bada pachhtaiyaan akhaan

Ve bada pachhtaiyaan akhaan

Naal tere jod ke

Tenu chadd ke kitthe jawan

Tu mera parchhanvaa

Tere mukhde vich hi main taan

Rab nu apne pawaan

Meri duaa.. haaye
Sajda tera kardi sadaa
Tu sun iqraar mera
Main karoon intezar tera
Tu dil tui-yon jaan meri

Main tainu samjhawan ki

Na tere bina lagda jee......!