It really pains when all your dreams and planning go into vain. Even while writing this i am not getting words to describe the feeling inside. I laugh with others ,hang out with friends ,crack jokes, spend time talking shits, but that feeling of emptiness and losing everything still persist.
My mistakes, my neglects, my past one year linger over my mind always...each and every moment. But was it solely my fault? May be yes. When you lose those most important things of your life, you can’t blame for it to anyone. After all it’s your loss and it will bother no one else except for yourself.
The zeal of winning i had has been eroding; it is slipping down my hand like dry sand. And he made the wound more painful. Had he said he doesn’t love me, I would have accepted it happily and moved on. But he said he love me and then left me. The ignorance which he gifted me with has been stinging me since the day he left Kolkata.
When friends talk about boyfriends, or they become busy talking o’er the phone, i am all alone staring blankly at the ceiling or some other stuffs pretending as if i am not bothered about what they are doing. But the fact is i really do bother because i miss him a lot...had i not been into any relation or had i not loved anyone so much this wouldn’t have bothered me the least. I miss him every moment every second but it doesn’t bother him the least. I have ne’er wanted us to stick to the phone all day long cuz it feels funny... but the feeling that he is there with me ,that he cares for me is important...that too only for me not for him.
My nights are soaked in tears and pains...every morning i try to console me that i can stand again. I again see a sunrise in my dark life but by the evening it shatters...after all, all its happening due to my fault. May be there has been some grave mistake i made do to which he has been ignoring me.
My career, my love and my family all have lost faith o’er me. Even my own self has no confidence left...