These days I am listening to that same old song over and over. Nights have been sleepless. I never usually stay awake till late if I have no work. But last 2-3 days were unusual. I stayed till late out of nothing and kept going back to the time I left 5 months ago. The time with which I got completely detached with in due course of time (i thought). I know its normal having flashbacks but this frequent and so suddenly was unusual.
People have spoken many a times about him in these 5 months and I have ignored bluntly. Tried not to think about his facts and got succeeded somehow. whenever I thought about my memories ( the apparently sweet ones) that followed the images of the way I used to get hit by his cheating, his insults and his comments. The neutralization effect allowed me to sleep at nights.
But this time it was different nothing could divert my mind away from him, in fact I started visiting that old folder(saved in some drive of my pc)which had no affect on me anymore.
It was Saturday morning, I was fresh and had almost forgotten what all happened last night when my friend called me up to discuss about some work stuffs and in the flow of his talk I got to know that the "once-upon-a-time-important-person-in my-life" was out of town but I as usual ignored.
Later during the day tremors of earthquake in Nepal were felt in India. And ofcourse in many parts of bengal the affect was significant more importantly in northern parts. The whole day I got engrossed in view the damages in the Nepal and also doing other stuffs. Then it was Sunday and newspapers flooded with pictures of earthquake affected areas of Nepal and I was upset at their loss. After the whole day it was during the night when I saw the amount of damage that occurred in Siliguri and Darjeeling when the pictures of CM visiting the hospitals were uploaded.
A shock -wave flowed through my mind as I remembered he visits some hill stations every summer and last time he was in darjeeling. Weird thoughts spread through my mind like 'where he might has gone?' or 'is he safe?'
The heart-beat rate ran faster. The heart wanted nothing but one news that he is safe (deep inside it believed he was but it needed assurance) and i had to wait till the day. The next was busy and the phone was malfunctioning but by the evening I managed to takeout the information that he was in bangalore and phew..!! I could now understand what was that feeling all about and I could resume back to my normality.
This small but significant incident made me realise that some things are indelible but also they shouldnt be let interfere with the ongoing times!
truely said..
some feelings are inexpressible..they can just be felt!
sharing the lyrics of the somg which kept on playing as I wrote this piece
the song which was our favorite!
Ve changa nahion keeta beeba
Ve changa nahion keeta beeba
Dil mera tod ke
Ve bada pachhtaiyaan akhaan
Ve bada pachhtaiyaan akhaan
Naal tere jod ke
Tenu chadd ke kitthe jawan
Tu mera parchhanvaa
Tere mukhde vich hi main taan
Rab nu apne pawaan
Meri duaa.. haaye
Sajda tera kardi sadaa
Tu sun iqraar mera
Main karoon intezar tera
Tu dil tui-yon jaan meri
Main tainu samjhawan ki
Na tere bina lagda jee......!
