Its Better to Be A Brat From Being A Dumb Blonde...

After so many miserable nights I finally decided to get over everything and reading an actress' interview in today's daily made me stick to my decision of being "the one I am".Her 'don't let anyone have the remote control of your life' attitude made me stronger.

mY aTtItUdE

After last night I realized that we can't clutch  few things to make them ours forever. Sometimes we have to let things go and sometimes we ourselves have to move out. Since then I decided that I will be myself as I was earlier ...tameless , free, and not into much complications of life...But with much control of my thoughts..3 years are enough for getting that understood.
Almost forgot to be myself and a series of things went  like a sudden storm and broke my state of euphoria...
To be a blonde is not my piece of cake...I was a Brat and will always be...and whenever I tried being a foolish dumb blonde( the most favorite category of gals among guys) ,I ended up in a mess.
yeah ofcourse I learnt from my mistakes...and these mistakes were solely mine for which I hold no one else responsible....and now slowly trying to join the pieces of selfconfiendence again...
In my life ahead I am sure that I will make mistakes again but surely not try to repeat them. And also not regret for them.

(mean- taylor swift)

After all I am a leo...I am born to rule ..I am my own support and wont give a damn to you if you call me the "spoilt reckless brat"...

BATTLE LOST.....

I am back to my blog after a long time. But this time with shattered hopes and broken dreams...

It really pains when all your dreams and planning go into vain. Even while writing this i am not getting words to describe the feeling inside. I laugh with others ,hang out with friends ,crack jokes, spend time talking shits, but that feeling of emptiness and losing everything still persist.

My mistakes, my neglects, my past one year linger over my mind always...each and every moment. But was it solely my fault? May be yes. When you lose those most important things of your life, you can’t blame for it to anyone. After all it’s your loss and it will bother no one else except for yourself.

The zeal of winning i had has been eroding; it is slipping down my hand like dry sand. And he made the wound more painful. Had he said he doesn’t love me, I would have accepted it happily and moved on. But he said he love me and then left me. The ignorance which he gifted me with has been stinging me since the day he left Kolkata.

When friends talk about boyfriends, or they become busy talking o’er the phone, i am all alone staring blankly at the ceiling or some other stuffs pretending as if i am not bothered about what they are doing. But the fact is i really do bother because i miss him a lot...had i not been into any relation or had i not loved anyone so much  this wouldn’t have bothered me the least. I miss him every moment every second but it doesn’t bother him the least. I have ne’er wanted us to stick to the phone all day long cuz it feels funny... but the feeling that he is there with me ,that he cares for me is important...that too only for me not for him.

My nights are soaked in tears and pains...every morning i try to console me that i can stand again. I again see a sunrise in my dark life but by the evening it shatters...after all, all its happening due to my fault. May be there has been some grave mistake i made do to which he has been ignoring me.

My career, my love and my family all have lost faith o’er me. Even my own self has no confidence left...

 I am a loser now... a soldier who has lost his battle and lying so wounded that he can’t even breathe but is also unable to die........